Let Me Kiss You Like I Kiss My Girlfriend

Daddy used to say, "Let me kiss you like I kiss my girlfriend." As long as I can remember, I heard this every other day and I thought it was funny until I got a bit older. As a prepubescent child, I began to wonder why it made me feel creeped out when he talked that way. Then, one day he touched my chest and commented about my "filling out" and "getting breasts." He asked me if it made me feel uncomfortable...I said, "Yes" and he said, "Okay, I won't do it again." I began avoiding being alone with him though I still thought he was funny and I adored him. He would whistle and sing while shaving...just happy as hell to be greeting the morning. "Chucky-Baby! Aint nobody love you like I do!" He could crack me up all day, every day. I stopped letting him kiss me like he kissed his girlfriend...it was never really as involved as that anyway. I think, mostly, that it was his way of being funny though he flirted with a bit of perversity. One day, not long after Gayle had died and Linda had kicked him out of her house for the nth time, he got drunk and silly. I was 17 and hoping that he would stay home and give up on Linda. He was laying in bed and said, "Come here. Lay next to me." I did because I thought he was sad and needed company. He held me and started rubbing on me with his hard-on. I jumped up and yelled, "I'm your DAUGHTER not your fucking whore!" and started crying. I think he laughed a bit...maybe he thought it was a big joke, but I didn't. I told him never to touch me like that again...I am his DAUGHTER! Lisa came in at that moment and wanted to know what was wrong but I didn't tell her. I felt ashamed though I know that what happened was his weakness, not mine. I think that's why he married 3 times...because he was weak in the flesh and weak in character...spoiled to getting what he wanted...thinking he was charming enough to get away with anything. I know now that he is thinking about his life with many regrets. I feel bad for him and try to remember the fun times, the times when I felt special to him.