My Stand

God has guided my steps throughout this life. He asks me to forgive those who have done wrong and I do. He has also given me the responsibility to be the support for others but not to interfere with the lessons they need to learn or the burdens they bear because of choices they made. Others have treated me as if I think I am above everyone else and that I think my family is perfect. I can handle the criticism because I know that the truth is deeper than that and I don't feel guilty about my stand on things. So, here's my stand: When someone has been given many gifts of help and opportunities to succeed and they begin to expect that others will always be available to bail them out, that someone needs "tough love." Tough love doesn't mean that family members don't like them, don't love them, don't want to have anything to do with them. It means that they need to learn to make it on their own in order to have confidence in their ability to succeed. When we are always there to buffer the challenge, that cheats the person out of an opportunity to learn and grow. I also know that, in order for true growth and healing to occur, a person needs to deal honestly with the people affected by their actions. This doesn't mean that one needs to "pay back" all that is taken, though it wouldn't hurt, it means being truthful about what has been done and acknowledging the affect it has had. A good exercise would be to think about the people who have given time, money and possessions in order for one to overcome a problem or succeed in a task...and then think about the time, money and possessions that were taken without their knowledge and consent. Has either been acknowledged? Recovery and foreward motion is definitely going to be hard and I give credit for every day that James stays sober and works toward his goals...I don't feel obligated, though, to make his journey easier, and I won't be made to feel guilty because of this.
God has been very gracious to me and I try to be humble. I am thankful for every day that I am able to talk with my children because, for a moment in time, I didn't think I would ever be able to do that again- a consequence that could have occurred because of my choices. My family is not perfect...no one has the right to accuse us of presenting this facade. We have worked to become spiritual and helpful and to return the good that has been done for us, but we also know that enabling old patterns of behavior is destructive. I try to be supportive to loved ones but I know that my viewpoints can alienate them. I think if everyone looks to God, they will come to know what they need to do. In other words, Sarah, stop trying to make James' journey an easy one. It's not your job. And stop accusing others of not understanding your pain and suffering...that's just not fair at all. And James-you are 20 years old now...the lessons you need to learn will be very meaningful if you don't expect others to give you stuff. Love is never ending for families...it doesn't mean, though, that you have to like what they do.